Red cream soda? Are you putting a joke on me

Are you seeing this picture? You are seeing some kind of miracle of nature. Look at what it says: "cream" is in it. Cream soda, but look at the color too. When was the last time you ever saw red cream? BTW, did you see my add on the craigslist? Are you recognizing Arturos? (that's me. I was the one who said hi on craigslist)

But I digress. I was drinking this carbonated (that's another word for bubbly for you uneducated readers* not retards) (No offense to the down syndrome crowd; I know your struggle. One time when Arturos was a baby his doctor tied to tell his mama that Arturos had some kind of down syndrome and his mama said "Nuh-uh-uh my baby boy doesn't have down syndrome, I can't afford tht" and she told that doctor) delight and I thought, "this sure is creamy. I wonder what color it is." And I looked down and holy testes it's colored red!!!

You can understand my surprised at this development when you know a brother has never seen any RED CREAMS. It's unnatural. Like cream mixed with human blood. 

It's so tasty but it is tinted with a maybe devil's evil? Who knows. Arturos just is not gonna drink it no more.

A frickin' zoo in my mouth--later Bitches

Have you ever felt you had a whole bunch of animals in your mouth? Well, one time I was eating beef but also some pork and that the closest I've been before them cookies--->

Well they come in all shapes and colors of animals that are on a farm/zoo over the rainbow. Well they don't taste like meat. I read the ingredients and they don't have a chicken in it or a sheep, but it is the shape of a sheep. 

Quick FAQ: what if your whole body was made of cow covered with icing of pink and white (which taste different, also have sprinkles)

Wouldn't that be so delish? (Do you ever wonder what heaven might be like?) (I'm agnostic and libertarian)

Well I think if I died I think maybe I might be covered in frosting and be eaten; does that make me a hindu? Also delicious? Because I believe in reincarnation? Do you think that maybe inside we are the ones made of cookie? (Sorry for being all philosophical) but really, scientifically, made of cookie?

Well you could eat these little meatless meatpacking fuckers if you were a vegetarian. but I swear, they taste like a cookie.

They taste like if your whole body was made of fucking frosting and shit and you could eat one of your hands but your hand was a fuckin' elephant and shit. Those sons of bitches animal crackers don't taste like no crackers...That's what they taste like. Don't take it from me--eat one of these cunts yourself. I'm doing the world the world a service w/ this blog, I tell you to go out and try new foods, but you don't see me asking for sainthood. I'm not trying to be a martyr, bitches. 

P. S. Did anyone watch 3-and-a-Half Men, the rerun, last night? It was hilarious but had some parts that needed some explaining. Please message me!

Some cheesy barbeque cheetos ho-hum

What are you thinking of them cheetos? That's one of lifes many FAQs. It's cheese and barbecue all in one pack for the limited price of at least two dollars cash money and the ride of your life. Also my wife is nagging on me again and my eldest daughter took the car for a ride and I can't go bowling with my bro in law Tyson. So them cheetos i found the caps lock THIS IS FUNNY LOOKS LIKE I'M YELLING AND STUFF and they taste like some barbecue fritos but with the texture of cheetos but that makes sense because it rhymes if you really think about it. Cheetos and fritos; I think I could write poetry. 

Chee*tos I* love* you

Fr*i*tos* you* real* good* too

And* you* taste* sexy*

Also in my pants. But this reminds me that Chester Cheetah is a really sly mother fuckercake. And also maybe he's friends with that guy what says "Grrrrrrrrrreat" like he is some kinda cat or something. I wonder this a lot. I'm philosophical if you know what I mean, like that guy Dr. Phil. He's crazy like a mo fo. And Oprah too. I think we're done here. Love you: Arturos

Holy crap I've been bamboozled once again

HOLY CRAP I JUS PEED MY PANTZ

I done been bam-BOOBzled once again. (I jus peed my pants a lil bit again) (Don't let the wife find out-this is my last pair of underooz 'til she does the laundry next monday)

These aren't chips--I n Bro in Law Tyson were buying snackables and I fell for the shiny glimmering cheddars. I thought, "Cheddars, like macaroni and cheese crackers but don't taste like no noodles?! Holy crap! I'm not wearing any more pants."

And anyway how do you feel about the old man on the cover? Have you ever maybe noticed he might be winking at you? And what's up with that homo name and red (my favorite color) suspenders? {I think he's a li'l bit hot}

Oh no, shut up, brain! (I told you to go to sleep for a reason!)

I ate the whole bag; notice it is empty. Like a hole. And only 25 grams of fat. Holy crap, I want to pee your pants. 

(That's for you, Orville.) (But don't tell the wife)

More Ovaltines Please!

Lol. So this is tha story. 1th. Let me set the stage. Have you ever been in a supermarket? Wel. I was w/ cuz Mo. Well at the store they have these things called "aisles" n' after you done doin' teh shoppin bidniz (mostly handled by the womenfolks) (I have lotsa ideas 'bout the genderfolks) you get in line for purchasing you items. That you want to buy.

Usually at this time I will buy gum; chetos, mountain dews (for my thirst) (Mo likes Cherry Coke)

Howevs. When I was lookin up the aisles, someone left a jar of Ovaltines (what would feel good in my tummies) all alones w/ no homes. I knew it was not intentionally stocked in that locality. I used my Detective Mom Arturos skills (have you seen that film?) for deducting skills.

*Intentionmaly

There were no other foods of the type. So I gave that ovaltines a good home. In my bellys. (Did you know what a cow has six stomaches)

Also I bought some hand sanitizers and gummy products b/c they was the Ovaltine's friends. N' I wanted to give them a home in my belly too. (The hand sanitizers was not easy on the bowels. Ask the wifes)

Beef Jerkies (By Real Fancy Thai Folks)

Beef Jerky. LOL. Have you ever considered the origin of the word? Well, I attribute it to Jamaican counterculture. Like beef is like "beefcake," homosexual for "very attractive man." LOL. So I think this might have something to do with liking the menfolk. RO the floor. My wife would HATE this. (That's why i scarfed 'em down my face) (in private) ("but not in my privates") {because they're spicy bitches}
Regardless, LOL what do you think they mean by "Thai?" I think this is a kind of meat and I like how it feels on my tonsils (fancy word for tongue) and my favorite color is red.
It tasted like normal beef jerky but nasty crap. LOL, just kidding. It tasted like cows/a whole bunch/but in just one bag (LOL I'm typing like Rosie O'Donnell)/maybe I am gay?!

Lindt: Lindor Friggin' Truffles HOLY CRAP (but not really)

Well, they say you should get chococlate for a woman, like for an anniversary.
Well, I got these for my wife but ate them in the car for our anniversary. She never found out, but regardless, these truffles give one's teeth trembles with anticipation for the next bite. The creamy white chocolate is filled with delicious mocha chips. Like little cookies n' cream ice cream, except its not cold.
Women shouldn't eat chococlates because men metabolize things differently.